You Can’t Hide Heart


You Can’t Hide Heart

Will I ever write a poem as beautiful as Maya’s?

Will I ever hit a note as high as Mariah’s?

Will I ever love a King like Empress Menen?

If I hold my head high past the flying fruit like Ruby will I ever get in?

Must I continue to sail the high seas like Ida B to tell my horrific story?

Or should I swing a racket next to my sister to earn power and glory?

Maybe I should pick out my crown like Kathleen and ball up my fists?

Or rock a beret like Queen B at the half and stunt on the risk?

So many questions but for me the answer is this.

All the spirits whisper, grab a pen and work your wrist.

Dream #14 : Too Large For Life

I could always hear him before I saw him. Gus rode a motorized scooter. Not sure if he needed it but he was far too lazy of a person to walk if there was another option.

It was the same every Saturday. The market was my outlet for selling my growing collection of oversized junk. I’d collect all week and sell on Saturdays. Since I’ve been out I realized I couldn’t stay away from sales. That’s what I know. Plus, it’s an honest career. Can’t say the same of what I sold in the very same streets in prior years. The market is like night and day from the life I knew before.

Instead of junkies its hipsters waiting to uncover something strange to add to their collection of obscurities helping to define their undying need to be different. After the perfect pitch and a fabricated informal backstory I reel them in my booth, tell more of my perfectly pitched tale, and then count their cash.

Gus loves to ride over to my booth and give me headaches in front of my customers. I guess it’s his way of pushing my buttons, ensuring that I’ve been rehabilitated and won’t snap. Little does he know I do my dirt in the dark.

Gus also claims the dog shit in the courtyard came from Max. However, he can’t prove it. So I won’t be scooping that load of shit. No sir not me.

Emo

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I wonder what the world would be like if we were identified by the emotion we show most often. Our conversations would be like “Hey Hater, have a seat right over there” or of course positive emotions like, “Wow Confidence I’m so proud of you!” Even, “Hey Lonely, come here I have something special for you.” Would we be happier as humans if our emotions were better understood by the people around us? Can emotional intelligence make the world a better place? I think so, because if someone texts you, “Hi Lover, what time do you get off work?” You’ll be a more pleasant person for the rest of the work day. Snow White and her dwarfs really were on to something.

At the very least people would be forced to accept what they project. It might be what we need as a human race. It could lead to a better understanding of ourselves as human beings. It is amazing how many people in this world never study their reflection. To some the man in the mirror is the only man in the world. Their actions lack retrospection; they never consider stepping outside themselves for perspective.

I learned perspective growing up in North Carolina. Every year March Madness shuts down the state. Rivalries are real amongst neighbors NC State, Duke, Carolina, Wake Forest, and more. Regardless of what set you claim, excuse me school, one part of March Madness is universal. No, not filling out brackets, not Future’s interpretation, “I’m ballin like it’s March Madness.” I’m referring to legendary NC State Basketball Coach Jimmy Valvano and his famous ESPY speech, “Don’t ever give up.”

I remember Jimmy V’s advice vividly, “To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

The world would be different if emotions were apparent. To me emotions make the man or woman or child. If we can find ways to share what we feel and staying in control like Coach V said, “you’re going to have something special.” Show the world the strongest you and try not to hurt anybody in the process. Emotions are essential and being aware of your emotions can save and serve you at the same time.

Dream #13

More Dreams

 

A few days ago spring began. Josh and Justin went to pick up beer from the store. They always get the same beer, High Life; from the same store, Tony’s. These men are creatures of habit. Josh repeats the same idiom every time the homies pop their first can, “It may not be the highest grade in the dispensary but this some good beer.”

 

Justin co-signs with this infamous, “Right on.”

 

Josh exhales, “Did I tell you about my dream?”

 

Justin, “Nah, but I love a good dream. What happened?”

 

Josh shrugs nonchalantly launching into the tale:

 

I really don’t know where to start but the weather was strange. The earth quaked at least six times and it rain a lot too. I could never tell the difference between things I thought and things I actually said. It was so confusing but I didn’t have time to be frustrated since I had so much to figure out. Oh and my abs were super tight. I don’t know why. Maybe I was worried but I remember how sore they were and I couldn’t figure out why. This was confusing too but I had to keep going. Even though I didn’t know where I was going. Isn’t that funny? Just like in life when we don’t know where to go but we keep going. Dreams are the same.

 

Justin co-signs, “Right on!”

 

Josh jumps back into his dream:

 

The rain turned into snow but I wasn’t cold. I told my feelings to turn off when the sun went down. I only felt determined but I never really knew why. There was a woman I remembered from when we were kids. She was tall and she was glowing in the dark. People were lining up to talk to her but I kept walking because I couldn’t remember her name. Everyone that spoke with her left with a smile and I wanted to go to her, but I forgot the lesson I learned and I was too embarrassed to stare until it all came back to me. I was afraid I’d waste too much time and wake up never figuring out where I was meant to be. Then these thoughts surfaced and I couldn’t help but repeat them in my head over and over, “Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me?” There were no hints and no clues. Just time passing quietly.

Josh pauses and takes a few sips from his beer. Caught up in the suspense Justin inquires, “So what happened next?”
Josh replies, “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I don’t remember or if I woke up.”

Nike Gift Inspired By ‘Margot Vs Lily’

 

Nike can’t lose. They “Just Do It.” And that’s me all day, I relate. As a blogger, several relationships are essential. The relationship with my readers first and foremost, second my content contributors because I love prompts that inspire my writing, and third my strategic partners. One strategic partner that came about to my delight is Nike. In my opinion, the Nike brand is innovative and super inspiring. I love learning from their influence on sport, hip hop, and popular culture. Not only do the good people at Nike invite me to exclusive events but they also send me gifts! This is a particular delight because the older you get the fewer gifts you receive so this relationship is super special. Recently, I received a gift in the mail. Here is a bit of background:

On February 1st, FrontRow by Nike Women unveiled a Nike Original Series ‘Margot vs Lily.’ The series follows two sisters pushing each other far outside of their comfort zones following Nike Women’s #BetterForIt campaign. I’ve be thoroughly enjoying the series! Check it out here.

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The synopsis: Meet Margot and Lily, two sisters who couldn’t be more different. Lily is the athlete: as in legit star-trainer status with 900,000 YouTube followers. You’ll find her counting dumbbells in her sleep. Then there’s big sister Margot. The quick-witted friend you always want around—until the punch line is you. This time the joke’s on her because she was just fired. And no, she doesn’t want to talk about it. 

When it comes to sibling rivalry, they go all in. Which is why when Lily challenged Margot to a bet on New Year’s Eve to start her own fitness channel with 1,000 subscribers. Margot threw it right back that Lily needs to make three real friends.

Want to know who wins the bet? Set a reminder and tune in on Mondays. Each week on FrontRow by Nike Women will bring you a fresh episode of all-hands-on-deck drama and sweatspiration to rival your trainer. But it doesn’t stop with the show. With access to all-star athletes, on-the-go workouts and killer looks you can shop without pressing pause–no matter which sister conquers, the real winner is you.
Thanks Nike! I love my Margot v. Lily gift box. You’re the real MVPs. 

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Seafoam Black

New York makes me feel so seafoam black in the wintertime.

In this climate no matter what you choose you lose.

So I wander the world seeking various forms of warmth and empty spaces.

Here I am.

Who wouldn’t want to escape? Oh the prices one pays to follow a dream.

What would it cost to skip a step, or two?

Leaving memories right where they are when they hurt.

Learning by backtracking like The Almanac.

Now, I’m looking back on moments I couldn’t wait to complete with nostalgia and mental screenshots of how you looked at me. ‘Faded pictures in a broken glass’ or something like it.

Here we are. 

Next to you I sit, breathing in harsh realities exhaling my own interpretations of the truth with glitter sprinkled on top like greatness.

What a rush when you win.

What a rush when you have the opportunity to begin again.

What’s the rush?

Next To Me
Jheri Hardaway, Next To Me

What You Won’t Do, Do For Love

What you won’t do, do for love. In today’s world we encounter countless forms of violence, negativity, and hardship. I was inspired to take a minute to celebrate compassion and togetherness.

 

Firefighter, husband, son, brother and living organ donor Ryan Zuber went the extra mile for his beautiful wife Lucrecia Zuber. Full disclosure and shameless brag, Ryan is my first cousin. Our fathers are brothers. We have always been very close because we think alike. Recently I caught up with Ryan’s wife who he affectionately calls ‘Cre’ and discussed how her life has evolved since she met and fell in love with Ryan.

 

“I met Ryan at work in 2007. We were working the third shift at a technology company. The office would be empty. We were sitting at work emailing each other all night. He would send extra long emails trying to sound all smart. I would reply with a few sentences and he was like ‘really that’s all you got?’ We started dating in 2008 and things were going really really well. ”

 

It’s amazing talking to someone about the person they love. I could tell Cre would talk about Ryan all day if I let her and he is the exact same way. However, love like life rarely goes according to plan and the couple broke up for a year. Lucrecia explained that Ryan had some maturing to do. She was forced to swerve him until he was ready.

 

“A year later I saw him at the club on his birthday. So cliche.”

 

We shared a serious giggle.

 

“He told me ‘I promise you if you just give me one chance I’m gonna marry you.’ I was like yeah whatever, but I guess it was destined to happen.”

 

At this point, I realized the love story had distracted me from the purpose of our conversation and I asked Cre to tell me about the issues she was experiencing with her kidneys. She explained that she suffered from Nephrotic Syndrome also known as Focal Segmental Glomerulosclerosis since December of 1998. There is no known cause or cure.

 

According to the Mayo Clinic, Nephrotic syndrome is a kidney disorder usually caused by damage to the clusters of small blood vessels in your kidneys that filter waste and excess water from your blood. Cre knew something was wrong when she was experiencing extreme swelling in her face. She learned the swelling was from the scarring in her kidneys. The disease naturally increases the risk of other health problems, luckily her case was treated early and remained controlled. Cre was told in 1998 upon diagnosis, she would need a transplant in a few years. She elected not to worry and to keep living her life! She took medication to remain stable. Despite the disease she graduated from college, joined Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc., and continued to be bright and beautiful.

“I got pregnant on my birthday in 2011. I wasn’t suppose to get pregnant. I was already warned not to because it was going to deteriorate my kidneys. But we went through with it anyway.”

It was beautiful hearing her hash out this painful memory with Zoey playing in the background. Their baby is extremely creative and independent. Blissfully unbothered our conversation she chilled conversing with herself not too far from her Mommy. I asked Lucrecia about her pregnancy.

“We ended up having her eight weeks early because of the deterioration. It was a great pregnancy. I didn’t have all of the swelling and spreading of the nose and other stuff. They were just concerned about the levels in my kidneys. I went to the doctor on a Thursday and was told to come in for delivery the following Tuesday. I had her in March 2012. By July the doctor was prepping me for the donor  transplant list.”

We went on to talk about our family and how much we both love and admire Ryan’s strength and determination. We talked about Memphis and the visits we had over the years. All along I never realized Cre was sick. I was distracted by barbecue and sneaking onto Beale street. Which was an obstacle at the time because I wasn’t 21 yet. We laughed at these memories and began to discuss the next steps in the transplant process. So many people wait years for organs, I wondered how she came to receive the new kidney.

 

“Ryan told me the moment I found out I was pregnant that he was going to give me his kidney. I really thought I was gonna be fine. But he knew. And he always stands by his word. A Lot of people were telling him ‘you never know… you might need your kidney down the line… that’s too much to give up’ but he knew that’s what he wanted to do.”

 

The decision to be a living organ donor is a mirror reflection of Ryan’s extraordinary character. Being strong willed is an element of our genetic makeup.

 

Ryan began to workout regularly once he made the decision to give Cre a kidney. I remember vividly because we would be on the phone for hours while he was in the gym. He posted countless pictures on Facebook with captions like ‘ab game on point.’

 

“A lot of people got tested. My mom, some of my sorority sisters, even my half-brother tried – none were matches. A few people were matches and had to do blood pressure tests. The issue was a lot of times African Americans have high blood pressure, this ruled out a lot of candidates as well. Ryan was at one point disqualified for this reason but he had his doctor send an authorization saying they approve of his blood pressure levels. This narrowed the pool down to Ryan and another girl friend of mine. We were advised that she could have trouble getting pregnant down the line. So Ryan stood by me and did everything he could to make sure we would both be fine. He even put me on a diet to make sure I would be in the best position I could for healing!”

 

Cre shared that the procedure took about eight hours. The removal, the preparation, and the insertion. The couple was in the hospital for about a week. My Aunt Dottie (Ryan’s mom) kept me updated and prayed with me over the phone. Ryan recovered quickly. The doctors tried to discharge him. But Ryan continued to pretend things were wrong so he wouldn’t have to leave Cre in the hospital alone. Insurance covered both of the surgeries however, there were lots of out of pocket expenses. Hardships came about during healing time for the couple. Being young homeowners with a baby did make for a financial strain but they made it work.

 

“I feel like our whole situation changed Ryan’s outlook on life.”

 

I agree with Cre wholeheartedly. Ryan has always been a standup individual. Loving and taking care of his family and friend to the full extent of his capabilities but now he is next level. Ryan is a pillar of his community and a phenomenal role model. He recently graduated with a degree in psychology, became a firefighter and is studying for nursing school.

 

“I don’t think we would have got to this point if everything was normal. He has always been a caring person. I’ve seen a great change in him. I love him so much. He is the love of my life.”
My hope is that this story inspires you to hold onto love and faith in humanity. Kindness counts. Sharing is caring. I hope one day when it’s time for someone to love me that I’m loved the way Ryan loves Lucrecia. I’m glad they decided to email back and forth during the third shift.

MOB #5 – Fun, Fly, Fabulous: Lifestyle Box

  
I am thrilled to put you all on to Arian Simon’s Fun, Fly, Fabulous Lifestyle Box! The October box I received was the exclusive Empire Edition. 

  

In case you aren’t familiar, this lifestyle box is based on the subscription box model. Subscription boxes are a package of products sent to customers on a monthly basis. Most subscriptions (including this one) can be canceled at anytime. The main benefit is exposure to new products and brands for much less than you’ll pay in a retail location. Fun, Fly, Fabulous prides itself on being fearless. I agree, fear is a waste of time. Nothing can stop a shark from swimming or a bird from flying. I’m all about that fearless lifestyle and this box mirrored my sentiment.

 

The Fun, Fly, Fabulous Box costs $21 monthly plus the cost of shipping. Customers are billed on the 1st of each month.

My Fun, Fly, Fabulous Lifestyle Box came beautifully packaged with tools to assist me as I build my empire and strategize my takeover. Inside the beautiful box that will for sure be incorporated into my room decor I found the following:

*A ‘Build Your Empire Darling’ t-shirt: With this shirt the world will know my intentions. This screenprinted tee is true to size and 90% cotton. Personally, I love the deep v-neck. V-necks are my thing right now. 

   
 
*A Tidal – High Fidelity Music Streaming (Three Month Trial Card): Tidal is a commercial free streaming service providing high quality music to listeners globally. The platform is littered with exclusive content and dope playlists by athletes, musicians and rising stars. Recently, Tidal announced next year they will be streaming my favorite YouTube series on their platform! I can’t wait watch season two of Money & Violence in January.

*Design Essentials Coconut & Monoi Intense Shine Oil Mist and Coconut Water Curl Revitalizer: Both products were welcomed additions to my hair care kit. I’ve been using the oil mist on my hair and face. The curl revitalizer has kept my hair moisturized and flourishing in this increasingly harsh NYC winter. Both products smell delicious and share retail pricing starting at $13.

*Miss Jessie’s Stretch Silkening Creme: This product smells delicious! Wash and wear season is definitely over so I’ll be saving this for vacation or the springtime. I’ve been a fan of Miss Jessie’s products for a while now so I was glad to see a familiar brand in my The Fun, Fly, Fabulous Box. In stores this 8 oz. jar retails for $19.99! This product alone made purchasing the box worthwhile.

*e.l.f Matted Lip Color in Tea Rose: This product is a bit drying on my lips. However, I’ve never been a huge fan of matte lip colors. That’s just me. My solution is the apply vaseline prior to application for a moist nude matte lip!

*Empire Earbuds: In 2015, an extra set of earbuds is equivalent to a spare tampon. You’ll be happy you planned ahead. Earbuds are a thoughtful addition to the box! 

*and finally two fortune cookies that my friend ate before I realized what he was chewing.

The Fun, Fly, Fabulous Lifestyle Box will make an Excellent gift for your favorite lady between 16-40 years of age. It’s the ideal gift for someone whom you might not know what to get for the upcoming holiday season or a birthday. You can’t lose gifting this box. The variety cancels out the possibility of disappointment. The sleek and chic contents will help any lady sharpen her sexy and stay in the know.

 I must mention, unlike other subscription services I’ve tried The Fun, Fly, Fabulous: Empire Edition box featured FULL SIZE PRODUCTS! No sample sizes 😀 Hurray! Full size products make the investment worthwhile because instead of simply being exposed to new products you’re able to really get to know the product and decide if the brand is worth further exploring. Much more bang for your buck!

I enjoyed the diversity of items in the box. I found everything inside to be useful for me as a woman of color. I often end up regifting the things I don’t need in subscription boxes but I’m keeping everything from Fun, Fly, Fabulous! As the creators mentioned, ‘why subscribe to five, when you can subscribe to one?’ I adore the diversity: beauty, snacks, access to content, and a shirt to share my mission with the world. My only frustration was the delivery timing. The items are so bomb I would love to receive my box sooner!

So in case you find yourself wondering ‘self- what do I not have that I didn’t know I want/need?’ Subscribe to Arian Simon’s Fun, Fly, Fabulous Lifestyle Box and you’ll find inspiration. Go ahead and ‘build your empire darling!’

Click here to subscribe to Arian Simon’s Fun, Fly, Fabulous Lifestyle Box.

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MOB #4 – Decoded

In 2010 I read a book that inspired me to make a life changing decision. Decoded was published by the best rapper alive in early November of 2010. I read Decoded like Martin Lawerence ate the ‘white only pie’ in Life. I inhaled the words on each and every page. I was thrilled to receive content from my favorite content creator in a different form. This is still a bible for the hiphop generation shedding light on the artistic impact this genre has deposited around the world. I wanted to share this review in honor of the five year anniversary of the book that inspired me to move to London and follow my dreams.

Read a book!

‘Decoded’ is a collection of culture. Not only can you find lyrics from one of the greatest rapper and poets of our time but you also unearth Shawn Carter’s (Jay Z) personal thoughts about social issues, influential people he has encountered around the world, and why he continues to carry himself in the same way he always has. A reader can anticipate visual art and lyric poetry littered throughout the pages of ‘Decoded.’ The discussion ranges in topic from his similarities to Annie, the redheaded orphan girl, to his endorsement of President Obama in the 2008 United States presidential election. ‘Decoded‘ has something for everybody.

 

“I wanted it (‘Decoded’) to do three important things. The first thing as to make the case that hip-hop lyrics-not just my lyrics, but those of every great MC-are poetry if you look at them closely enough. The second was I wanted the book to tell a little bit of the story of my generation, to show the context for the choices we made at a violent and chaotic crossroads in recent history. And the third piece was that I wanted the book to show how hip-hop created a way to take a very specific and powerful experience and turn it into a story that everyone in the world could feel and relate to.” Jay-Z ‘Decoded’

‘Decoded’ keeps it really real. Copious social issues are addressed within this book which will undoubtedly help expand the perspective of all readers regardless if you are a fan of hip-hop music. This book is not about rap, its about overcoming whatever obstacle you find in your path and exploiting that obstacle to better yourself, your family, and your community.