The sunrises and I wonder
What is this spell I’m under?
Why can’t I shake the chains
and be free?
As the clouds of rain clear
I know peace is near
What will it take to free
The very best of me?
Everyday is another chance
It don’t matter the circumstance
Decide in your mind you will advance
My blessings are in me
Couple more things you should know
You’re the designer of your glow
You decide when it’s time to grow
Love is on the loose until you show
My blessings are in me.
Here my dear hang on to this.
It might not seem like much right now but keep it, hold it, and keep living.
There is hope in holding on.
Stay, persevere, plant roots.
Be like the tree.
Firm yet flowing.
Standing and growing.
Unshaken but flourishing.
My dear hang on to this with the grip of God.
They’ll tell you to let go. But what you’ve got means more and the depth they’ll never know.
Not everyone will see it.
Some have their own.
Some want yours.
Some will bitch and moan.
Dear come here and hear me clear,
It don’t matter what they do but you…. you persevere.
For Yelena.
More pages from my notebook….
A few days ago spring began. Josh and Justin went to pick up beer from the store. They always get the same beer, High Life; from the same store, Tony’s. These men are creatures of habit. Josh repeats the same idiom every time the homies pop their first can, “It may not be the highest grade in the dispensary but this some good beer.”
Justin co-signs with this infamous, “Right on.”
Josh exhales, “Did I tell you about my dream?”
Justin, “Nah, but I love a good dream. What happened?”
Josh shrugs nonchalantly launching into the tale:
I really don’t know where to start but the weather was strange. The earth quaked at least six times and it rain a lot too. I could never tell the difference between things I thought and things I actually said. It was so confusing but I didn’t have time to be frustrated since I had so much to figure out. Oh and my abs were super tight. I don’t know why. Maybe I was worried but I remember how sore they were and I couldn’t figure out why. This was confusing too but I had to keep going. Even though I didn’t know where I was going. Isn’t that funny? Just like in life when we don’t know where to go but we keep going. Dreams are the same.
Justin co-signs, “Right on!”
Josh jumps back into his dream:
The rain turned into snow but I wasn’t cold. I told my feelings to turn off when the sun went down. I only felt determined but I never really knew why. There was a woman I remembered from when we were kids. She was tall and she was glowing in the dark. People were lining up to talk to her but I kept walking because I couldn’t remember her name. Everyone that spoke with her left with a smile and I wanted to go to her, but I forgot the lesson I learned and I was too embarrassed to stare until it all came back to me. I was afraid I’d waste too much time and wake up never figuring out where I was meant to be. Then these thoughts surfaced and I couldn’t help but repeat them in my head over and over, “Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me? Am I here greet destiny? Will I always walk alone or will someone stand next to me?” There were no hints and no clues. Just time passing quietly.
Josh pauses and takes a few sips from his beer. Caught up in the suspense Justin inquires, “So what happened next?”
Josh replies, “I don’t know. I’m not sure if I don’t remember or if I woke up.”
“Hey Grandma”
“Hi baby. Took you a while huh?”
“Yea I had to take the long way, it took forever.”
“Nothing wrong with taking the long way. Sometimes that’s the best path.”
“Is it?”
“I remember growing up in Georgia. Me and my brothers and sisters would pick anything: butterbeans, turnip greens, blackberries anything. If it grew we picked it. We would bring what we picked home to momma. She knew what to make. She could make anything. But a lotta times when we were on our way home we would pass this white woman’s house. She would yell out the window or from her porch ‘What did yall pick today?’ We would try to ignore her but she would come take whatever we had anyway – or whoop us. ‘Bring em here let me see’ she would holler. So after a while … you know we ain’t dumb right?”
“Yes I know that for a fact.”
“After a while we started walking the long way home. Through the woods, past our turn just so we could make it home with what we picked. What belonged to us. There is nothing wrong with taking the long way. As long as you get where you going baby.”
Aware
Beautiful
Conscious
Different
Emerging as the new me
Focused
Go mode
Hearing more than I speak
Intention minded
Jheri
Knowledge over being noticed
Love
Moving towards peace
Never forgetting who I use to be
Optimistic
Perspective
Quality over quantity
Responsible
Sleeping
Thinking and paying attention to my thoughts
Using the past to move forward
Variety
With the willingness to try
XoxoxoxoX
You learn more+You earn more
Zeroing in on what is real.
Figuring it all out. Watching closely the ones I respect.
One day at a time.
I feel like a green light. Nothing can impede my progress.Not traffic, not accidents, not even running out of gas.
There is no stopping a green light. Go means go, and I go hard. Harder than the car in the next lane. Faster than the fastest cars and the bigger cars hogging up multiple lanes.
I keep my oil changed, I rotate my tires, and maintain a clean interior so I can run efficiently and productively. I am the green light, controlling the traffic around me.
Even when the power is out my light still shines. I don’t see stop signs. I turn on and I’m out.
Some want to ride when they see my gleaming green light, but this is a coupe and no one rides for free.
So if you see me rolling around with the windows down in your town stay out of my lane.
Honk, honking shining in green on skinny tires, that’s me.
Vroom, vrooming past the Sunday drivers. Watch what you say and see, all the lights turn green for me!
There was only one window. The darkness of the night left the room dreary and lonely. The entire space was cold because of the nights eerie sentiment. Closing her eyes she remembered a brighter time. It was just a week ago. She was free to roam. Free to live. Outside of all walls without guidance or instruction she wandered. She stopped only when she was exhausted and that moment had arrived. Resting outside of a small hut she sat next to a bush of green roses. She had never seen such a flower and was enamored by the vibrance. Pricked by a thorn upon attempting to touch she sat patiently looking onto the flowers. In that moment one began to bloom. She watched as the bud unfolded in front of her petal after petal after petal. She couldn’t help but wonder when she would bloom. Opening her eyes the darkness returned and the warmth of the roses became a distant memory. She knew pretending wouldn’t protect her and chill would never keep her mind still. So she sat alone in the dark without a hint or a clue.